My internet dating experience

 

Hands on the keyboard, fingers are supposed to be moving… typing… but instead my heart is pacing… and it keeps on pacing… beating faster… why are my fingers not moving? This was supposed to be easy Sibahle, 3 basic steps dammit!!

Step 1 – Download Tinder and create a profile
Step 2 – Get matches and go on dates
Step 3 – Keep a diary of the experiences and share it with the world.

The blog post – “My Tinder experience” so what is so hard about this?

Well, the voices in my head! My brain and my heart are in battle (Nothing new here!)

“Do I really want to go through this again?”

“How honest should I be?”

“Is It even worth it?”

It all started out as a joke, a fun experiment and most importantly, a need to feed my curiosity.

Picture this, two single girls on vacation, at a hotel with a bottle of wine and fries by the pool side, soaking in the sun!! That’s exactly how it started.

IMG_1676

 

So I downloaded Tinder, and registered my profile. It was actually quite easy, I had to verify through facebook and the information was synchronized with Tinder. I created a profile with my top 5 pictures, wrote a short blurb on my hobbies and interests etc.

Once my profile was up, the only thing left to do was to swipe left and right. This was so exciting, it was like having a man buffet set right infront of me. I started swiping left on all the non-potentials and right on the potential, with my girlfriend by my side this was pure bliss. We both screamed when I got my first “match” it was a moment worth celebrating, it got even more exciting when I got my first message from my match…

“OMG! This actually works, he’s cute hey!”

I’ll save you the story of how my first match turned out to be someone who wanted a quick hook-up, images below are not for those under the age of 18!

Wes JPEG UPDTD R JPEG UPDTD

 

IMG_6141Bren JPEG UPDTD

 

 

 

After hearing so much terrifying stories of people’s experiences with internet dating, I still consider myself lucky as I had such a great group of guys. I didn’t go on Tinder for love, it was all meant to be a joke, an experiment and a “juicy blog post”. After a few hours I connected with this truly amazing guy, it was something I could not explain. He was not based in South Africa but that didn’t stop us. We exchanged numbers and basically spoke on Skype for the whole night. It was such a supernatural connection. Although I liked him and felt like I could fall in-love with him, we both knew it was unrealistic and after a few days, the connection fizzled out.

After 2 days on Tinder, I had 4 dates lined up, and, after a week I had over 100 matches, internet dating huh!?

Date One was absolutely amazing, definitely top 10 favourite dates not with my boyfriend. We went to La Parada, had a mini wine tasting and ordered some Tapas, conversation went on for more than 3 hours and after that he walked me to my office, we most probably kissed at every corner we could find, it was amazing!! I agreed to a second date.

Date Two was one for the friend-zone, very cool and sweet guy, cute and tall, too skinny for my liking, zero chemistry. Had a smoothie and spoke for about an hour and I had to make up an excuse to go back to work. He asked me on a second date and I had to lie and say I had a boyfriend. Sigh! He would have actually made a really cute and sweet friend though!

Date Three – Let’s call him George. WOW!! Just WOW!! The setting, the chemistry, the guy! Everything. It felt natural, it flowed and it honestly took my breathe away. One for the books and the guy was a phenomenal kisser. Goodness!!!!! I agreed to a second date, even considered a third one BUT I did not want to be deterred. I had to remind myself that I joined Tinder as an experiment for my blog and not to actually find a partner.

Date Four – Cute guy, tall and handsome, very stable and humble. Not my type, absolutely no chemistry from my side but he just couldn’t take the hint that I did NOT want to order a second glass of wine, so I hung around. We had wine and it was great, probably spoke for 3 hours. The date was at La Parada, my second date at La Parada on the same week, even got a mischievous smile from the waiter LOL!!

On the second week, I had 7 dates lined up for one week. My sister had to intervene and bring me back to reality. Do I want to continue with Tinder knowing very well that I am not looking for love? Can this actually work? Do I want to continue going on dates with people I have no intention of ever being with? Eventually, I decided to delete Tinder, it was for the best.

What is it about having men pine over you, men doing everything in their power to impress you and win you over, that just makes one feel so powerful. The power just got to me, the thrill, the adrenaline. The phone calls with my girlfriend to discuss the guys, the fierceness of swiping left on a guy who ‘Super Liked” you. It was the most amazing thing I had experienced in a while.

I kept contact with the 3 initial guys and arranged for second dates. My big sister and one of my girlfriends advised against this, so I made a deal, if I can just go on one more date with “George” then I’ll cut all ties with the other two guys – as a compromise,  my trustees agreed. Let me be honest, as much as my first Tinder date was amazing, there was just something about “George” that mesmerized me, it could have been the way he grabbed my hand and just how perfectly our hands seemed to fit together, the way he looked straight at my eyes and into my soul, the way he spoke so passionate and honest, the way he held me so tight when he hugged me or the way he took my breathe away every time he kissed me. “George” made me question if I really wanted to tell him that I just joined Tinder as an experiment and I had no intentions of a romantic relationship. “George” just… I couldn’t explain it but I just knew I had to see him again. For a minute it stopped being about the experiment and the thrill, it stopped being about the blog and the juicy Tinder story, for a moment it was about me and “George” and, how, despite it all, I knew I wanted to see him again. I didn’t want to admit it then, but, I knew more than anything that I wanted to be with him.

I was talking to one of my high school friends last week and we were discussing how hard it is to date and actually maintain a healthy relationship in modern day society, especially as a women with a full-time demanding job. She mentioned she was considering online dating but her fear was that it seemed “too desperate”!

Would I ever do it again? In the future, Maybe. I am in a perfectly happy relationship now, so definitely NO!

 

To wrap this up – practiced in a cautionary manner and for the right reasons, I really don’t think internet dating is all that horrible, it’s just not for everyone. At the end of the day, it’s all about what makes you happy. With the growth of social media and new technical inventions, many people are meeting their “soulmates” on the internet these days. So, why not? Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.

 

Published by Sibahle Teyise

Mholo, Hello, Groete, Sawubona, Lotjhani, Dumela, Ndaa, Avuxeni! I’m Sibahle Teyise, JAGWAT founder and head content writer. I have an Undergraduate Degree from UCT majoring in Public Policy and Literature, as well as a Postgraduate Diploma from UCT specialising in Marketing, Events Management and Business Communication. I am an author under construction, working on my book to be published soon- "When It Happens For Girls Like Us". I started JAGWAT in 2017, following the success of my personal blog - Tales Of The Mute. The inspiration to start JAGWAT came after hearing the sad stories of women being murdered on a daily basis, the violence against women as well as the many stories of women taking their own lives because of suffering in silence. JAGWAT provides a platform for women to take back the power by sharing their stories on a public central platform and with this, they show other women that they are not alone. I believe that when women stand together great things happen. No women should suffer in silence and the more we speak up as women and create a sisterhood and support group, the more powerful we can become. I am passionate about communities with women from disadvantaged backgrounds and JAGWAT supports Women Initiatives as well as making a difference in various schools from the township by offering assistance to learners in the form of mentorship and tutoring. I am a self-proclaimed book-worm and although I am a shy person, I am a motivational public speaker. I was heavily bullied in primary as well as high school and I am extremely passionate about Anti-Bullying campaigns and initiatives. I read, I write, I gym, I pray, I cycle, , I hike, I run, and pretty much everything in between. I am a weight loss motivator having lost 16kg in the past 2 years, which is quite an achievement for someone who can’t cook. (Thank GOD for food that can easily be boiled!!) I am a firm believer that an empowered women can empower other women and JAGWAT aims to be that platform for Women Empowerment. On a lighter note: I have the worst music playlist in the history of playlists.

14 thoughts on “My internet dating experience

  1. Usile wena, why udlala ngabantwana babantu? Anyway it was a great piece girl, it opened my eyes on a number of things. Its just something i won’t do kodwa mna…happy u got that experience and shared it with us

    Like

  2. You’ve grown, you’ve really grown. You are still incredibly intelligent and beautiful. I’m proud of what you’ve created and how far you’ve come. Despite what life has thrown our way you still have the biggest fan in me and I still have tremendous love and respect for you. Whoever is you current partner is one lucky guy. Love you always, Okay? C

    Like

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