Pop the question

One of my friends boyfriend asked me “what is getting married?” (Yeah! I had a few bites
of air bubbles here!) Since then I have not stopped thinking about this question, only because I need an answer for myself. Obviously, what I answered that night was not the right answer, I guess it is one of those questions that you just can’t find the right answer to, especially as an unmarried woman. The conversation around this topic went on for hours and I still couldn’t find the right words to express my thoughts around what getting married means.

This question bugged me and after a few days of deep thought and introspection, I found my own personal answer to what getting married really is, what it means to me as a woman.

For some couples getting married is all about the legalities, it is just a piece of paper, for others  it is all about the materialistic gains, marriage is an exchange. As the saying goes, marry for money and work for love. Oh hell no thank you! I will never get married purely for money, when there is no money then the love should still keep the marriage together. But apart from the money and love, what about trust? What about “ ‘till death do us part” and “through sickness and health”. What happened with that part of the vows promise? Through sickness and health means that if the person you marry gets hospitalized, you need to stick it out, you still need to love that person unconditionally. What happens if you two are only eating bread and drinking water, because it is all he can afford, do you then ask for a divorce, because there is no money for your high maintenance type of life?!

What about communication? What about respect? I feel that respect and communication are just important as love and money. Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking at marrying someone with no ambition and job, being married to someone who can provide is a blessing but I feel like it shouldn’t be the basis of marriage, I care about the small little things in life, the things that makes my heart skip a beat, the small things that makes me laugh. This means that even when the wealth is not there any more you will still love that person. Mutual love, respect and communication should be the basis of marriage.

Getting engaged is already such a big step in a men’s life, it takes a guy almost forever and a day just to pop the question, but it takes the girl approximately 12 months to actually get him to walk down the aisle. Now my next question is, why do men take so long before they propose? I know situations where a guy takes up to 10 years before popping the question. The answer is simple, as every relationship in life needs testing so does a relationship between a woman and a man. He wants and needs the surety that she is the one for him.

My honest opinion about this is that getting married is much more than just “getting married”. It is more official than just being in a relationship, it is a life long promise you make to that one person you cannot imagine yourself taking a breath without, that one person you feel you cannot live without. I’ve had a lot of heartaches and disappointment regarding relationships, but after all I have been through I have found my soul mate, my life partner. I don’t want to just get married because society tells me I need to get married, I don’t just a piece of paper or a title. I want to get married, because I want the surety that I am the ONLY ONE. I am the ONE!!! I am the woman he chooses to spend the rest of his life with. Although I already have the surety, that will just make it more official.

I want to get married, with my life partner, my soul mate, my best friend. It’s okay now, he can pop the question.

Published by neethlingsalome

As a 30 something year old woman who has experienced life and all its ups and downs, I hope to be an asset to JAGWAT, to give my input regarding my life experiences in different aspects. I aim to contribute in the vision of empowering women, giving advise and helping women become better versions of themselves.

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