Never mind… you won’t find someone like me!

Have you seen how good I look lately? No, I mean have you seen my glow? Have you seen my body? This is not a junk-food eating body GIRL!!

I SAID THAT!!! Me, Sibahle Teyise, 25 years old! 5 February 2018, 13:20 at 22 Bree Street, I was having a conversation with my now ex colleagues and I legit said those words with a straight face, I didn’t even include a “LOL” after that. Like, I said the sentence and the conversation continued, I was not apologetic about it.

It’s a lie though! I eat Junk food, a lot, I don’t even eat it in moderation. I can have 2 big packets of Lays for Breakfast,  a burger and fries for lunch, a chocolate for a snack and a 3 course meal for dinner, I can do this for a whole week without fail. I know how to eat. I can eat. I know how to gain weight, I gain weight, quickly, frequently! So the not eating junk food part was a lie, but I do look good, that part wasn’t a lie. Seriously, I look good – and for the first time in my life I feel absolutely no guilt in saying that. More than anything though – I feel amazing, I feel happiness, contentment and gratitude.

Growing up I was never considered beautiful, I compensated for what I lacked in looks by being a top achiever. I worked my ass off and ensured I was always at the top of my class, pretty much got sponsored through high school. Once I accepted that I would never measure up to my sister’s level of beauty (We were compared when it came to looks and she always reigned, that girl is gorgeous, like effortlessly beautiful. She has scored the genetics lottery) I knew that I would be the nerd, I was happy, I was confident, I was the head girl and I knew that no-one dared to take me on academically, I somehow became “attractive” according to my peers – the most popular guy wanted to date me, I wonder what changed. Had he seen my sister? Was he sure he wanted me date ME? Only now do I realize it. My looks didn’t dramatically change but I had come into my own, I had accepted my flaws, I was confident and unapologetic about who I was, I was happy – happiness is attractive. Have you ever looked at someone when they talk about what they’re passionate about? That spark in their eyes? That passion? It’s attractive. Happiness is attractive! Excitement is attractive! Passion is attractive! Confidence is attractive! Happiness and beauty are in alignment, and with that comes confidence.

I’ve always thought that complimenting oneself is vain. Growing up I was taught modesty, however, there is nothing modest in amounting your worth to the validation you receive from others.

The greatest things I’ve done this year? I stopped weighing myself. I realized that my happiness cannot be measured by the number that appears on a scale. Of cause I work out and still look after myself but the most important thing for me right now is protecting my soul, whatever is good for myself that is what I’m doing.

I remember in early 2016 I tried to date this guy, long story short – it didn’t work out. Now, I have this rule of mine when I am dating –  You can’t be too attractive, like we can’t be on the same “attractive” level.

This guy was an exception to this rule, he was crazy attractive. Like he would jog without a t-shirt on, walk-in and slow music starts playing, i’d wake up in the middle of the night and stare him, I just wanted to kiss him every second, the really overwhelming hot. Get the picture? Seriously crazy attractive guy with an amazing body, he lifts okay? Anyway, the crazy thing about the relationship is just how he seemed to be infatuated with me, like “show me off” to his friends infatuated, it was kinda cool, coz I was like –

Really YOU? You wanna be seen with ME? You want every person to know that you’re with ME? Like, are you SURE? But OKAY!

That’s the problem, we are so out of tune with ourselves that it becomes hard to even let people love us because we feel like they’re out of our league. I tell you, try it! Just as easily as you forgive and understand when it comes to other people, try it with yourself, forgive yourself, understand yourself, compliment yourself, love yourself and appreciate yourself. It will not only change your perception of yourself but it will also change your perception of those around you. Know your worth and demand it, learn to walk away from things that no longer grow you.

Be humble please, by all means. It’s biblical! But don’t downplay yourself, you’re not doing anyone any favors.

You are beautiful inside and out. Wonderful top to bottom. Irreplaceable left and right. 

READ THAT AGAIN!!

Yes, I said IRREPLACEABLE! There is NOBODY that is you and that is priceless. Walk away from anyone who makes you feel ordinary because there is nothing ordinary about you.

So, like I said, have you seen how gorgeous I am? Have you looked at me lately? GIRL!!

 

Published by Sibahle Teyise

Mholo, Hello, Groete, Sawubona, Lotjhani, Dumela, Ndaa, Avuxeni! I’m Sibahle Teyise, JAGWAT founder and head content writer. I have an Undergraduate Degree from UCT majoring in Public Policy and Literature, as well as a Postgraduate Diploma from UCT specialising in Marketing, Events Management and Business Communication. I am an author under construction, working on my book to be published soon- "When It Happens For Girls Like Us". I started JAGWAT in 2017, following the success of my personal blog - Tales Of The Mute. The inspiration to start JAGWAT came after hearing the sad stories of women being murdered on a daily basis, the violence against women as well as the many stories of women taking their own lives because of suffering in silence. JAGWAT provides a platform for women to take back the power by sharing their stories on a public central platform and with this, they show other women that they are not alone. I believe that when women stand together great things happen. No women should suffer in silence and the more we speak up as women and create a sisterhood and support group, the more powerful we can become. I am passionate about communities with women from disadvantaged backgrounds and JAGWAT supports Women Initiatives as well as making a difference in various schools from the township by offering assistance to learners in the form of mentorship and tutoring. I am a self-proclaimed book-worm and although I am a shy person, I am a motivational public speaker. I was heavily bullied in primary as well as high school and I am extremely passionate about Anti-Bullying campaigns and initiatives. I read, I write, I gym, I pray, I cycle, , I hike, I run, and pretty much everything in between. I am a weight loss motivator having lost 16kg in the past 2 years, which is quite an achievement for someone who can’t cook. (Thank GOD for food that can easily be boiled!!) I am a firm believer that an empowered women can empower other women and JAGWAT aims to be that platform for Women Empowerment. On a lighter note: I have the worst music playlist in the history of playlists.

4 thoughts on “Never mind… you won’t find someone like me!

    1. Yes there can’t anyone like you ever be found. You are my “high school crush”, one that I never even got to know their name. It always bothered me the fact that I stalked other people’s “high school crushes”, and not knowing whether mine is still alive in these prevalent femicides. Second and worst part of my search is to not even remember who were your friends at school. My memory only had you, up until I said to myself “uzoyithola kanjani uhlel’ekoneni” and went for a thorough search through everyone I could get hold of from school and failed and a friend advised me to scratch on Mr Tshona’s friends and if this person is as significant as you say they are; surely you will find them there. I will now breath a little sigh of relief but I will officially call off the search when you have accepted my friend request or the least; replied to my comment…I would be grateful to here from you, my story of you is long!!

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  1. Oh my gosh I love this blog post Sibahle. Yes girl yes! Irreplaceable, Adele lied. They won’t find someone like you. Beautiful!

    Like

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