I am astounded dear reader! I am dumbstruck! I am extremely upset that my dreams of being a “trophy wife” have been shattered!! Seriously! How did I let such an opportunity pass me by? Since I was a little girl this has always been my dream – not having a proper job, looking good, catering to my man, doing brunch and Pilates for a living, maybe I’ll even start a vegan blog that won’t go anywhere, you know? (Don’t fall over the sarcasm there!) That dream is now gone, all because of my smart mouth. Damn Sibahle, you’ve done it again!!
Before we dive into this blog, some facts for you to know because you might find yourself wondering!
Fact 1 – I LOVE gym clothes so I wear them even if I’m not doing anything active. AND I always ask random people to take pictures of me wearing gym clothes. Even if I’m not wearing gym clothes, I ALWAYS ask random people to take pictures of me.
Fact 2 – I am attracted to “people”, gender, race, age is not relevant. If I like you, we have more or less the same values and we have good chemistry, that’s all that matters. Hence, my dating history.
Okay, now that we’ve covered these facts:
9 February, afternoonish, here I am minding my own business. I decide to take a walk from Clifton beach to Camps Bay beach, wearing my gym clothes and just feeling really good about myself. I ask the “Umbrella guys” to take pictures of me. The guy is ecstatic and even shows me poses and places with good lighting. After taking pictures I go to Kauai for a smoothie, as I’m sitting here I see this lady who is evidently looking for someone, she smiles when she sees me, steps in and asks to sit next to me. Long story short, I find myself having left Kauai in a matter of 5 minutes and at Caprice with a very cute Canadian surrounded by bodyguards.
This guy is 13 years older than me, has one child and is a divorcee. He has 3 houses and is a globe trotter, very intellectual individual – (It doesn’t hurt that he has an accent) naturally, I am intrigued by him. He captivates me in his conversation, I love honest and open guys who know when to speak, when to listen, and when to enjoy the silence. Conversation flows, we stay at Caprice for hours, eventually we go for a walk on the beach for the sunset, in my mind I’m thinking – this is the perfect end to a perfect day. He asks to pick me up the following day for breakfast and we can do whatever I want, I get really excited about him.
You guys know how it is when you’ve had your heart broken and have been crying yourself to sleep almost everyday, here comes this amazing guy who treats you like a queen (Even if you just met him 10 hours ago), you become hopeful and you start fantasizing. You know in your heart you’re still in-love with your ex but you have hope that this might be the guy who will help you forget, the one you’ve been waiting for. NO? You guys DON’T do that? Well, I do!! That’s exactly what happened. I became excited about him, he had borrowed me his power bank and jacket, it was all so exciting.
The following day he picks me up for breakfast and it is even more perfect until now comes the conversation:
“I like you and I didn’t expect to like you so much, there’s something about you that intrigues me. I mean at first glance, you’re a stunning girl and either you’re a gym freak or you have good genes but you’re also just really beautiful from within. My only concern is that your IQ might be too high”
I laughed, I thought it was a joke.
“I’m being serious. I’m 39 years old Sibahle, I don’t have time to play games. I’ve been married and I’ve been divorced, I have a 10 year old child whom I love with all my heart. I like you and I’d love to marry you, to make you mine in every way, I have conditions though which I’d never compromise on – I can’t be with someone who drinks alcohol or smokes. You can’t have a job because I travel a lot and you’d travel with me, you can’t get fat or let yourself go in anyway and I have no tolerance of male friends talking to you. I’m not trying to be an asshole but I have a type, I have a lot to offer and I feel like I’m not asking for a lot. I just don’t like being questioned which I feel like you’d have a problem with”
Here I am at one of my favourite places in Cape Town with this amazing guy. Literally everything on my checklist of future husband he ticks, here he is offering things that weren’t even on my checklist, everything I’ve ever wanted and more. My heart and mind are once again in battle.
“When you say being questioned, in what way do you mean?”
“Well, I mean, what I say goes. I’m old fashioned in that sense, the man makes the decisions and the female obeys. I believe in marriage, this is why I want to marry you. I don’t want to use you for sexual purposes or date you for years. I know what I want and I don’t have time to waste. I’ll take care of you, provide for you and love you. but my word is final.”
Come on now reader, don’t act like you don’t know how I operate. My heart and mind are always in constant battle!!
I should probably be embarrassed to say this, but I’m actually not! I considered this offer!
I looked at him, blue eyes and good looking guy and I thought to myself. Okay, there’s a high probability that our future babies will be attractive. Not working? Mhmm!! I can go to gym all the time and maybe invest time in learning how to cook and finally writing my book. Travel? Mhmm! I can see all the places I’ve wanted to see without worrying about the costs! Marriage? Mhmm! Marriage is a blessing from God and I’d finally be able to say “He PUT a RING on it!!” on Facebook and Instagram and I’d write blogs about being a globe trotter and a housewife! I’d still have JAGWAT and I can actually grow my business without having to balance school, work and writing! I CONSIDERED it, actually I MORE that CONSIDERED it. Go ahead and judge me if you want!
Me, trying to be calm and rational:
“Lets continue with our date and see how it goes”
After breakfast we took a walk around the pavilion at Sea Point and we passed by IceZeit, they are amazing!! They even have VEGAN gelato guys! HEAVENLY! I ask “Potential Future Husband” to stop so we can get ice-cream.
“Oh no baby! That goes straight to your thighs and ruins all your hard work. Are you sure? Do you want to get water instead?”
“Are you joking? Hello! Its ice-cream. And its delicious and even if it goes to my thighs I can go to gym and work it out. Do you think I don’t eat ice-cream? Do you not want me to eat ice-cream? Are you really that shallow? What happens if I gain weight? Ha? What happens? I am getting this ice-cream and I don’t care what you say! You don’t have to marry me, if that’s the case.”
He hadn’t event proposed! This was our second date. Temperamental Sibahle! It was kind of a scene!
I just saw my life flash in-front of me. I’d have to spend the rest of my life counting calories, not giving my true opinion, not talking to my guy friends whom i’ve cultivated great relations with over the years, spend less time with my friends, never at home, never speaking up. I thought of all the hundreds of thousands of rands my parents spent at UCT so that I could contribute to society as an academic. Always looking proper, slaving off at gym, catering to someone. Although, I had never referred to myself as a feminist, that day I became one.
“You know, there’s this African proverb that says that when you educate a women you educate a generation. Do you know it? By being with you, I’d be robbing entire generations off the knowledge I’ve acquired through academic progression. I would have no voice, no opinion, I would mentally and intellectually die. I can’t be with you. I’ve known that for 3 hours now, I was just in battle with my mind. I’m sorry. AND by the way, in it’s most basic form Ice -cream is made out of milk and eggs, eggs provide protein and milk – calcium. Perhaps, you might want to educate yourself about nutrients before you tell someone what they can and can’t eat“. And I left and blocked his number!
DRAMA!!! DRAMA!! DRAMA!!
He called two weeks later with a different number and we both laughed at how dramatic I was! He says he stood at that ice-cream stand for an hour thinking of ice-cream nutrients and African proverbs! I still never agreed to be his trophy wife though! Damnit Sibahle!! You and your smart mouth! BUT if I have to dumb myself down to be with someone, it’s not worth it. If I have to lead a superficial and materialistic life in order to seem “happy” on social media while my soul is dying, I’d rather not. Anything that comes at the price of my well-being and mental health is too high of a price to pay, I simply cannot afford it!