Thank you, NEXT!

If you think this is one of those blogs written by an ex girlfriend about her past relationships and moving on… you’re damn right!

This is a lil different though because I’m not bitter. I just want to tell you a story.

Once upon a time I was a little girl growing up in the Township of Delft, I would walk around the streets and know that I want better for myself. The plan was to remain a virgin until I met the right one for me, settle down and get married. I met my first boyfriend, he mesmerised me with his gorgeous brown eyes, we dated for four years, in the first year I was sure I had met my soulmate, I was only a teenager. I fell hard for him, as did he for me. I started working and studying full time, the relationship became rocky and inevitably, we broke up. I remained single for two years after that. I couldn’t understand why two people who love each other so much, just couldn’t make it work. Love confused me.

After two years I met my second boyfriend, we lasted 6 months. Shall I continue?

There are women who meet one person in their childhood, decide that this is what they want forever, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. Some go through their first relationship, give it their best, and move on freely to the next person whom they fall completely in love with, settle down and live happily ever after. And then there’s me. Dated boyfriend number 1 for 4 years, boyfriend number 2 for 6 months and boyfriend number 3 for 1 year. I hate to say this because I’m a feminist now, but, going through a breakup can sometimes make you question “Is there something wrong with ME?” And the answer to that is FUCK NO! Not to sound cocky or anything but I’m fuckin’ amazing. Im getting better now that I’ve started realising my worth and demanding it.

So, instead of trying to analyse what I could have done differently in the relationship, I flipped it. What lessons did I learn from the relationship that I can take with to enable me to become a better version of myself? Luckily for me, all three relationships have taught me something valuable. Now, I will never credit someone who tried to break me for who I am today. My resilience did that, not the man. My faith did that. My strength did that. My heart did that. Don’t get it twisted, but the journey of being with someone has played a role in who I am today. My first boyfriend taught me how to love genuinely and without caution. My second taught me passion and intimacy. My third taught me patience, wisdom and intellect. Currently? Well, currently I am learning commitment, safety, trust and appreciation of who I am and the culture that has made me the person I am today.

I’m grateful I didn’t marry my first boyfriend. I will always regret breaking up with my second boyfriend the way we did. My third relationship was just sad, it was great for growth but it was sad, it should never have happened. Since I broke up with my first boyfriend I’ve always been anxious to not be the girl who “dated around”. What that’s done is made me compromise myself and try to make things work even if it means losing the person I am. That’s what society expects of women. You can’t date around otherwise you’re a Hoe! However, a men can date as many women as he wants and that’s not frowned upon. Argg! I am literally rolling my eyes as I’m writing this line. Also I’m a Christian, so people will literally get a quote from the bible to dick shame you. I don’t care anymore, Jesus still loves me. Shout out to Hannah Brown! I’m not saying go sleep around BUT I am saying don’t settle for less then you deserve because you’re trying to keep your dating count to a certain number. Surely your happiness is more important than that?

I am also saying, take the lesson from the relationship. As bad / heart breaking as it may have been. There is one thing that you can always learn, if not, then the lesson can be what you DON’T want in your next. So to all my exes, Thank you, NEXT! And to still a line from Arianna Grande, “I’m so fucken grateful for my ex“!

Published by Sibahle Teyise

Mholo, Hello, Groete, Sawubona, Lotjhani, Dumela, Ndaa, Avuxeni! I’m Sibahle Teyise, JAGWAT founder and head content writer. I have an Undergraduate Degree from UCT majoring in Public Policy and Literature, as well as a Postgraduate Diploma from UCT specialising in Marketing, Events Management and Business Communication. I am an author under construction, working on my book to be published soon- "When It Happens For Girls Like Us". I started JAGWAT in 2017, following the success of my personal blog - Tales Of The Mute. The inspiration to start JAGWAT came after hearing the sad stories of women being murdered on a daily basis, the violence against women as well as the many stories of women taking their own lives because of suffering in silence. JAGWAT provides a platform for women to take back the power by sharing their stories on a public central platform and with this, they show other women that they are not alone. I believe that when women stand together great things happen. No women should suffer in silence and the more we speak up as women and create a sisterhood and support group, the more powerful we can become. I am passionate about communities with women from disadvantaged backgrounds and JAGWAT supports Women Initiatives as well as making a difference in various schools from the township by offering assistance to learners in the form of mentorship and tutoring. I am a self-proclaimed book-worm and although I am a shy person, I am a motivational public speaker. I was heavily bullied in primary as well as high school and I am extremely passionate about Anti-Bullying campaigns and initiatives. I read, I write, I gym, I pray, I cycle, , I hike, I run, and pretty much everything in between. I am a weight loss motivator having lost 16kg in the past 2 years, which is quite an achievement for someone who can’t cook. (Thank GOD for food that can easily be boiled!!) I am a firm believer that an empowered women can empower other women and JAGWAT aims to be that platform for Women Empowerment. On a lighter note: I have the worst music playlist in the history of playlists.

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