My name is Thandokazi and I suffer from Clinical Depression.

“Clinical Depression: A mental health disorder characterised by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.”

My name is Thandokazi Rooiland and I suffer from Clinical Depression.” I never thought the day would come when I would utter these words. Not me. Not the brave and strong woman that everybody knows. Not me. But sometimes, the strong break too.

A little background on myself, I am a middle-child at home, we are 3 girls. My parents never had a son, he died when he was a year old. Growing up, I became the son my dad never had. I did everything and anything to prove myself. I excelled at school and was a bookworm of note, I even became the first black Head girl in High School and became the Top Student. Everyone in my family counted and depended on me, up to a point where no decisions at home were taken without my opinion. I then went to varsity and was blessed with a full bursary to study Chemical Engineering. See, I was the perfect “son”, the perfect stronghold of the family. At 21, I was engaged and my life seemed perfect, I had it all together and figured out until life showed me flames… flames I was never ready for.

Life happened and I had my first child, to make up for that I had to get married and finish my B-tech to keep up with this perfect lifestyle, two years later, I had my second child and a broken engagement. No time to grieve, I picked up the pieces and played the strong and independent single mother. I started working as a Graduate-in-Training for the company that sponsored me. I was earning big money and could afford to rent a 3 bedroom house and a nanny. My financial stability was the only thing I could fall back on as I went back and forth in failed relationships, one after the other. Two years later, the only good thing I had going for me – my financial stability – fell apart. My contract ended and was not renewed and I ended up with a job that paid me half of what I was earning. Being the strong and independent woman that everybody knew me to be, I had a plan. I made a promise to myself and my kids that I would get myself out of this pit in two years, my kids relocated to be with my mom and I moved to a bachelor flat and learned to live off half my salary. Taking no time to grieve this loss, life had to carry on as normal, I couldn’t even see that I was living on ‘survival mode”.  A year later I got promoted, this didn’t make me any happier, instead, I became more frustrated and miserable in my job. I drank a lot to numb the frustration of the fact that I was not coping and I could not dare mention that to anyone. Family had their financial expectations of me, I delivered and acted as though it didn’t dent me. I died a silent death, with a smile on my face and no one knew. To them I continued to be the strong and brave single mother who had it all figured out. I wasn’t. I was drowning. I was dying. I was in debt. I was miserable, and I had no one.

2018 was the toughest year of my life, it is the year that I fell apart. I fell apart inside, alone, behind closed doors until I could not cope anymore, I had to ask for help. At the beginning of 2018 I was still in this newly promoted position, still miserable and still earning peanuts. My kids relocated back to Cape Town to stay with their father because of my irregular working hours. We tried co-parenting with this situation, it failed. In April, he got to my place and physically assaulted me in my own home in front of our children. This sent me off in a depression mode that I did not even recognise, but even through that I fought, I didn’t grieve, I moved on and made things work for my kids.

Being depressed affected me so bad that I could not sleep sober, I drank daily, the only time I did not drink was when my kids were with me. They were my only saving grace. I ended up in a lustful relationship with a man that was in a committed relationship with someone else and on the 4th June 2018 I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks, a pregnancy I was not aware of until the day I miscarried. It was a traumatic experience. I had to undergo a procedure to have the foetus removed and I was all alone without the support of the so-called boyfriend. I had the support of my friends, but because I felt so ashamed of this pregnancy I was so scared to break down. A week later, I was back at work and everything back to normal. Life goes on, I had kids to take care of. I could not be stuck grieving for a child formed out of a lustful relationship. 

On the 7th of November 2018, the father of my kids physically assaulted me again, in-front of my little sister. I was so scared because I did not know what his intentions were. I was saved by God’s grace. 2 days later, it was my son’s 6th birthday and I had to put a smile on my face in front of the kids and his family and act like I was okay. This day was officially my breaking point. After this I went into depression mode. 

A week later, I could not bring myself to get up for work, at the time I was staying with my little sister and tried so hard to act okay until that day. I used to wait for her to go to work and spend the whole day in bed and in tears. That day I was scared to be alone because it felt like the father of my children could come in at any time and finish me off. I felt unsafe in my own place. I had nightmares and struggled to sleep. I stopped myself many times attempting to commit suicide. My kids were the reason I could not go through with it. On the 16th of November 2018 I got up and dragged myself to see my GP. I told her all my symptoms and knowing all the trauma I went through that year she diagnosed me with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and referred me to a psychologist. 

The 21st of November 2018 was my first appointment with the psychologist, the moment I entered into his office, he asked “How are you doing?” I could not even get myself to answer that question, I just burst into an uncontrollable crying session. On the 22nd of November 2018 I was admitted to the depression clinic with a diagnosis of Major depression episode and post-traumatic stress disorder. I was lucky enough to be accompanied by my sister, I don’t know what I would have been without her. My whole world felt like it was falling apart. The strong and independent young single mother that everyone knew had fallen apart, she was broken, and she felt like a failure. She could not cope alone. She needed a head analysis and pills to get her through the day. 

For 3 weeks, my daily sentence was:” Hello, my name is Thandokazi and I suffer from Depression and PTSD”. 

Staying healthy, fit and sane during lockdown

So it’s Day 6 of lockdown and I’ve been receiving so many requests for home exercise videos and detox tips during this period.

The question is “How do I eat healthy, not gain weight and stay sane during lockdown?

I’ve broken down this blog into 3 parts which are vital in ensuring you stay healthy, fit and sane during this time period.

  1. Food.

What’s on your grocery list? It’s so easy to binge eat when you’re at home the whole day. Sometimes you’re not even hungry, you’re just eating because you’re bored. When you do your grocery shopping, it’s important to buy as much healthy food as possible but also mixing it up with a few snacks for your own sanity. I did my grocery shopping a week before lockdown, I returned on Thursday from my mini-holiday and went “panic shopping”. I was so panicked I literally bought things I don’t need. And because of this I ended up eating 3 custard donuts. (I stress eat, badly). Don’t panic buy, don’t be like me.

What should be in your grocery list:

  • Protein is very important so make sure you’re stocked up. Healthy protein – if you’re buying chicken, buy the one without skin. I’d say get chicken breasts mostly, but, let’s be real.
  • Veggies – stock up on your greens, maybe make this a weekly trip if you can. Spinach, beans, broccoli, carrots, sweet potatoes, sweet corn, Avo etc.
  • Fruit – you know what they say about an Apple a day. Banana’s are a great way to start the day. Grapes are a good dessert option.
  • Starch – I would keep this to a minimum. If you must, get rice otherwise substitute this with potatoes. Bread – the healthy kind. I’m not a big bread fan but I found myself getting bread the other day, I’ve only eaten one slice in 3 days, but still, it’s there if I need it.
  • Liquids – WATER! WATER! WATER! I also get the juices from Woolies. I normally have this for breakfast. Green tea either with lemon or ginger. Coffee if you can, just don’t use sugar and maybe swap your normal milk for non-dairy milk. While we’re on that topic – try to limit your dairy intake.
  • Snacks – I normally just buy raw almonds. Crackers as well. Popcorns. Otherwise I mostly snack on fruit.

2. Exercise.

This is tricky. I’m slowly dying on the inside as I’m writing this. My body is crying “I want to go for a run“! I’ve asked 3 people already what the probability of getting caught is if I wake up at 5am and sneak in a 10km run outside. I’m struggling to survive without running, BUT, there are alternatives. This morning I ran around my complex 5 times and up/down the stairs 10 times. I did 1000 skips and some Ab exercises, I have a detox Whatsapp group and we’re doing a 21 day Abs challenge. It’s cool and interactive, click here to join. I’m hosting weekly training sessions via Facebook Live, the first one is on Tuesday with my sister, click here to join the session.

Otherwise here are some fun “At Home” exercises to do :

  • Tummy : Crunches, Leg Raises, Reverse Crunches, Leg Lifts, Planks, Russian Twists etc.
  • Booty – Squats, Lunges
  • Full Body – Jumping Jacks, Skipping, Jogging around your yard, Mountain Climbers

3. Mental Health.

I CANNOT stretch how important this is. Your Mental healthy should be your top priority. If any of the exercises or foods are making you unhappy, stop right away. If you need a day off from exercising, take it. If you want chocolate, eat it. Practise some discipline, but don’t do anything that makes you unhappy. We are already dealing with a pandemic, everyone is on edge, the last thing you want is added pressure on yourself. Take each day as it comes. If you’re working from home, take your lunch break away from your working desk. Give yourself breaks, be easy on your self.

Some key things I’m consistently doing during this time that have helped me significantly with my mental health :

  • Keep a journal. Write how you feel down. Everything. It will be a great memento for when we survive this.
  • Practice some meditation. Seriously, every morning try to spend a minimum of 20 minutes meditating.
  • Start each day with a grateful heart – everyday, ask yourself what you are grateful for. With everything that’s happening it’s so easy to lose focus of the food.
  • Read. Paint. Write. – Whatever sets your soul on fire, try to do more of it.
  • Look at the sunset/sunrise even if it’s from your window or balcony. Life is still beautiful.
  • Stay connected with your loved ones virtually. Call them more often. I have virtual catch ups with my friend and sometimes we have “wine catch ups” it makes things better.
  • Take a walk. Even if you walk around your garden with your furry friend but take a walk.
  • Get enough sleep. Once you start working from home, things tend to get muddy and you find yourself spending everyday on your laptop. You need to still have boundaries and “me time”.

This is something that is foreign to everyone and the best thing to do is to take each day as it comes. It’s okay to have bad days, it’s okay to not be okay. I broke down yesterday because my mental claustrophobia couldn’t take anymore, I literally sat on the floor helpless, got up ate as much as I could and I felt even more crappy afterwards. I let myself go through the moment and when I was done feeling sorry for myself I got up, cleaned my place, took a long bubble bath, did some reading and went to bed promising myself tomorrow will be a better day. It’s okay if all you do is take it one moment at a time, when all is said and done, we will appreciate life more and learn to not take anything for granted.

Take care of your and yours ❤ !

21 Tips to Surviving Lockdown

These past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster I did not sign up for. I get emotionally imbalanced just trying to re-live everything. The 14th of March was one of the greatest days of my Events career thus far and just a few hours later the world as I know it completely shifted. On the 28th of March I was supposed to host our first (SOLD OUT) High Tea Fundraiser, I’ve since had to refund all ticket buyers and postpone the event to a date I still don’t know. As an offline Events Manager, my job spec did a complete 360 and I’ve now had to shift my thinking to be that of a Digital Marketer. All this in two weeks, I’m spinning!

So here we are now, 21 days of lockdown, faced with this new reality, an uncertain reality. One thing is for certain, we need one another for this to work.

So here’s a look at my 21 Tips on how to get through these 21 days together and still keep our sanity intact :

  1. Exercise – Online videos, Yoga etc.
  2. Get enough sleep
  3. Read
  4. Draw / Paint / Write
  5. Meditate – At- least 5 times a week
  6. Work on your dreams
  7. Water your plants
  8. Eat healthy
  9. Be mentally present
  10. Stay connected – check on your loved ones.
  11. Rest
  12. Listen to podcasts
  13. Start. Do it. Plan your next trip etc. Start whatever you’ve been putting off.
  14. Go digital (Resources, virtual events, content)
  15. Get a journal, capture the moments in your journey
  16. Do some introspection
  17. Donate. Help someone in need during this time.
  18. Share resources. Contribute.
  19. Get clued up on facts. Don’t spread false information.
  20. Wash your hands. Don’t touch your face. Sanitise your hands.
  21. STAY INDOORS (For Pete’s Sake!!)

As a way to do my bit for society, I have an active 21 Day Whatsapp Exercise Group, click here to join. I’m also really blessed to work for a company that has taken incredible measures to ensure the wellbeing of it’s employees during these tough times, so everyday we have a virtual team check in and at 3pm we have a dance off.

What’s incredibly important is to not let these 21 days go to waste. It’s very easy to let yourself slip, especially when you stay alone – waking up late, not being productive, eating unhealthy food, watching TV all the time etc. As an introvert, I’m okay with not seeing people for a certain amount of time but as a routine person, I’m freaking out a lot. I am also excited because I know these are 21 days of new perspective and fresh opportunities, I am not planning on taking any day for granted.

Stay safe and sane, we will get through this together. Don’t forget to share your tips on how you’re planning on getting through these next 21 days in the comments section below.

Thank you, NEXT!

If you think this is one of those blogs written by an ex girlfriend about her past relationships and moving on… you’re damn right!

This is a lil different though because I’m not bitter. I just want to tell you a story.

Once upon a time I was a little girl growing up in the Township of Delft, I would walk around the streets and know that I want better for myself. The plan was to remain a virgin until I met the right one for me, settle down and get married. I met my first boyfriend, he mesmerised me with his gorgeous brown eyes, we dated for four years, in the first year I was sure I had met my soulmate, I was only a teenager. I fell hard for him, as did he for me. I started working and studying full time, the relationship became rocky and inevitably, we broke up. I remained single for two years after that. I couldn’t understand why two people who love each other so much, just couldn’t make it work. Love confused me.

After two years I met my second boyfriend, we lasted 6 months. Shall I continue?

There are women who meet one person in their childhood, decide that this is what they want forever, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. Some go through their first relationship, give it their best, and move on freely to the next person whom they fall completely in love with, settle down and live happily ever after. And then there’s me. Dated boyfriend number 1 for 4 years, boyfriend number 2 for 6 months and boyfriend number 3 for 1 year. I hate to say this because I’m a feminist now, but, going through a breakup can sometimes make you question “Is there something wrong with ME?” And the answer to that is FUCK NO! Not to sound cocky or anything but I’m fuckin’ amazing. Im getting better now that I’ve started realising my worth and demanding it.

So, instead of trying to analyse what I could have done differently in the relationship, I flipped it. What lessons did I learn from the relationship that I can take with to enable me to become a better version of myself? Luckily for me, all three relationships have taught me something valuable. Now, I will never credit someone who tried to break me for who I am today. My resilience did that, not the man. My faith did that. My strength did that. My heart did that. Don’t get it twisted, but the journey of being with someone has played a role in who I am today. My first boyfriend taught me how to love genuinely and without caution. My second taught me passion and intimacy. My third taught me patience, wisdom and intellect. Currently? Well, currently I am learning commitment, safety, trust and appreciation of who I am and the culture that has made me the person I am today.

I’m grateful I didn’t marry my first boyfriend. I will always regret breaking up with my second boyfriend the way we did. My third relationship was just sad, it was great for growth but it was sad, it should never have happened. Since I broke up with my first boyfriend I’ve always been anxious to not be the girl who “dated around”. What that’s done is made me compromise myself and try to make things work even if it means losing the person I am. That’s what society expects of women. You can’t date around otherwise you’re a Hoe! However, a men can date as many women as he wants and that’s not frowned upon. Argg! I am literally rolling my eyes as I’m writing this line. Also I’m a Christian, so people will literally get a quote from the bible to dick shame you. I don’t care anymore, Jesus still loves me. Shout out to Hannah Brown! I’m not saying go sleep around BUT I am saying don’t settle for less then you deserve because you’re trying to keep your dating count to a certain number. Surely your happiness is more important than that?

I am also saying, take the lesson from the relationship. As bad / heart breaking as it may have been. There is one thing that you can always learn, if not, then the lesson can be what you DON’T want in your next. So to all my exes, Thank you, NEXT! And to still a line from Arianna Grande, “I’m so fucken grateful for my ex“!

I might just be a feminist

Let’s start this blog with a confession. At University I took Gender Studies as an elective and I used to cringe every time someone referred to me as a feminist. Mostly because I always imagined feminists to be a group of bare foot women with big placards stating how bad the other gender was. Also, because I never liked the idea of being boxed, I have metaphorical claustrophobia.

I’ve always said that if one works hard, patriarchy can be void. Feminism is not necessary. I’ve maintained this belief for very long. Dear reader, my belief has been shattered. This is not one of those discoveries that happen at once, it’s been happening quite incrementally.

Firstly, I come from a very traditional family. My dad is the headman of Zihlahleni, whenever I am in the Eastern Cape and there is an “elderly” conversation involving my dad it’s always about which eldest son inherits which part of the leading roles of the Teyise Family. There’s no talk about female’s inheriting leading roles. Secondly, I’m a Christian (by choice), I love GOD. I’m His number one fan, but if you grew up reading the bible, you KNOW that the Man is the head of the household. Thirdly, I started working. I’ve been working for more than 10 years now, only in one instance (and for only 2 months) was my boss (or the boss of my boss) a female. Fourthly, I started dating. Fifthly, I started analysing all the “hero’s” or leading roles in all the television movies I watch. Sigh! Should I continue?

Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche gave an extremely profound Ted talk titled “We should all be feminist” and Beyonce (like only Beyonce could) featured this speech in her song “flawless”. The book also helped me with my very wrong and distorted view about feminism, it’s very important to start being more aware and addressing issues of gender inequality. I won’t even talk about all the Gender Based Violence that’s been taking place most recently. It’s almost when people start talking about equity versus equality and you see eyes rolling and people shrugging, we get uncomfortable when we have to address real issues.

One of the things I am (and will always) be passionate about is Women Empowerment. If there is anything that I feel we (as females) have the power of changing is how to perceive ourselves and how we venture to Empower one another. The problem we have as women is in our programming, we often see one another as competitors and males as being more superior with greater authority. An example that completely irks me is that of the “Slay Queen” and “Blesser” phenomenon. If you don’t know what it is, I suggest you use Google. Why are we degrading only Women for this? It takes two to tango, by all accounts. These Woman do not “bless” themselves and these married men do so knowingly. Why do we degrade women only and not the men as well? Also, I don’t understand all the hate around Slay Queens and I still maintain that this is hate from one women to the next caused by an inferiority complex. If someone else is well kept with a “fake accent” and without a proper job, it’s their prerogative. As women, we should really stop giving men power to speak down on other women and encourage it. We ought to stand together.

We raise girls to see each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments
Which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men

Let me tell you a little story about myself, one I’ve been embarrassed to speak about to anyone else outside of my friends.

When I was in High School I started dating my first boyfriend, it was actually a really stupid relationship. Even before I started dating this guy I knew he had a reputation but he swore to me that he was single. He had these really attractive eyes, plus I was young so I decided to give him a chance. News of our relationship spread so fast. Literally within 24 hours everyone in my “hood” knew we were dating. I guess people were shocked cause I was always such a “Miss Goodie two shoes nerd”. Anyway, one day, I was in class studying a bit later with my friends and when we left school there was a group of about 20 other school kids (all female) and as we walked closer everyone started making weird noise. Long story short, it turns out there was a girl in the crowd who was also dating this boyfriend of mine and said girl had come to my school to beat me up. LOL! I kid you not! This happened probably 3 times before I broke up with this guy. The point is, throughout this toxic relationship no one did anything to this guy but all the attack was directed at me. Why? Because, once again, it’s in our programming.

I am currently reading “Women who run with the wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. In one of the Chapters titled “Stalking the intruder” she speaks about how Women are programmed at a young age to “be nice“, a training which causes women to override their natural intuition. I remember having a conversation with my previous partner one time when he told me he wants a housewife. I almost fell out of my chair. My answer was that I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and I could never be a housewife. I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder but I don’t want to be a housewife even more. My point is he never asked me what I wanted, instead he told me what he wanted. As Women we need to stand together and when we see others suffering, we need to be sympathetic and supportive. The odds are against us. We are an endangered species. There is so much strength in unity. It’s time we took our space in the world, against all odds. I will conclude this blog with the very wise words of our phenomenal Miss Universe:

I think the most important thing … is leadership. It’s something that has been lacking in young women and girls for a very long time, not because we don’t want to but because of what society has labeled women to be. “I think we are the most powerful beings in the world and that we should be given every opportunity. And that is what we should be teaching these young girls — to take up space.Zozibini Tunzi.

Getting through 2019 with three words

It’s been very hard for me to try and write this blog without mentioning just how hard and terrifying being a woman in South Africa has been this year. The only time I fear sleeping is when I’m on a flight, I have serious height phobia so for as many hours as I am on a flight, I am fearing for my dear life. However, for the very first time in my life, before going to sleep, I triple make sure all the doors are locked. Whenever I get on an Uber, I share my live location, I struggle working at the office alone at night because I am terrified, I am terrified that I might get murdered or raped, simply because I am a woman. It’s really been rough, so even before even getting to this blog, I would like to take a moment for all the courageous women who have fallen in 2019, all at the hands of our fellow brothers. Rest easy goddesses. You will always be remembered.

So, let’s take a walk down 2019 shall we?

January (Homeless and broke – basically living off my savings.)

  • I have accepted a teaching job in China. I’ve ended my relationship, packed and ready to start a new life elsewhere. New beginnings.
  • Got to Cape Town for two job interviews and started re-thinking China.
  • Mhmm! Maybe I shouldn’t go to China anymore.
  • Went for my job interviews and got two job offers.
  • Changed my mind about China and had a very hard conversation with my agent. He basically just shouted at me on the phone for 10 minutes.
  • Accepted a job offer and started looking for accommodation in CPT.

February (Employed, Smitten and still homeless)

  • Started work
  • Decided to give love another chance! YEYY!!
  • Started a new gym routine

March (Independence… again)

  • Finally found my own place after staying with my significant other for about a month.
  • Started feeling more like myself again.

April (Unlocking my chakra)

  • Baecation
  • Started writing again
  • Went back to Yoga and registered for twerking classes (Are you judging me?)

May (Twerk! Werk! Twerk!)

  • Okay! So twerking wasn’t for me. I registered for dance class instead. Best decision EVER!

June (Another qualification?)

  • Looked in to doing my masters in creative writing or an MBA.
  • Work in full force
  • Ever so in love.

July (Boss moves and sickness)

  • Registered my business ya’ll!!
  • Diagnosed with Acne Inversa and prescribed antibiotics for 6 months

August (I am a Badass – period)

  • Registered for my third UCT qualification
  • Invested the last bit of my savings to get the necessary equipment for my business.

September (Another year beautiful-er)

  • Birthday. Finally got a typewriter.

October (Late birthday gifts)

  • 27 years of living and I FINALLY took someone home. I’m sure my parents had given up on me.
  • Maxed out my savings for some grown up late birthday gifts. Sigh! Adulting is hard.

November (selfish-less)

  • Hosted our second annual Empowered Women Networking Event.
  • Hosted our very first Khayelitsha bootcamp.
  • Made some great connections and partnerships that I am excited to see through in 2020.

Before you start asking me a lot of questions, let me address this. In 2018 I basically ran home to recover and during that period I wanted a “new start”. I applied for a job in China late 2018, I went through the whole recruitment process and I got accepted in October. I started having doubts early November and I applied for a Cape Town based job. Running away seemed was very tempting and it offered the escape I needed but I’ve come to realise that you can’t run from your feelings or your past, and I am no coward. So I decided to stay.

I started 2019 in the worst state I have ever been in my entire life. I still cry when I think about it. 2017 was soul crushing and 2018 was bittersweet. On one hand, I got a second qualification from UCT but I also lost so much more that I could never EVER get back. So 2019 started on a rough patch for me, I was basically on recovery mode for more than half of the year. My friends will attest to this, I’ve been extremely protective of my space this year. I actually have not spent much time with other people outside of my family, my partner and one or two friends. It’s been hard to try to explain this to other people, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but I didn’t care. My health and wellbeing was my priority. When your energy is depleted, you need to recharge.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself first.

Three words have gotten me through 2019 and every other day they manifest in my life – “I am blessed“. Sometimes I forget. When life get’s a little rough I question it but 2019 has been such an amazing testimony for me. I have not only survived things that were meant to break me, but I have thrived. This goes beyond 2019, I am blessed throughout my life. I am the first and currently only person in my family with a University qualification (I have two, going on three. WHATS UP? ). I started working when I was 16 and by the time I turned 19 I was earning more in two weeks than my mom made in a month. I’ve never struggled getting a job. Actually I always sound cocky saying this but I’ve never gone to a job interview and not been offered a job – EVER! I am also the very first in my family to buy myself a car, CASH before 25 years. (Are you still judging me for taking twerking classes?). Shonda Rhimes has this book called YEAR OF YES and she says something so profound –

Lucky implies I didn’t do anything. Lucky implies something was given to me. Lucky implies that I was handed something I did not earn, that I did not work hard for. Gentle reader, may you never be lucky. I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.
― Shonda Rhimes, Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person

I find it hard to say this because I always get in my head about “jinxing it” but screw it, 2019 has really been such a phenomenal year for me. I reached a great level of accepting love and reciprocating it. I’ve been loved so dearly and I finally accepted that I am worthy to receive love. In fact, I am more than enough. I’ve found a really amazing groove in 2019, only scratching the surface of balancing my work, my relationship and my health. It’s the first time since I started blogging where I can genuinely say I had a fucking amazing year! And every single day, I see it, I am blessed.

Here’s to starting another decade. I am looking forward to more growth, maturity, wisdom, prosperity and greater strength. May all your dreams come true!