Getting through 2019 with three words

It’s been very hard for me to try and write this blog without mentioning just how hard and terrifying being a woman in South Africa has been this year. The only time I fear sleeping is when I’m on a flight, I have serious height phobia so for as many hours as I am on a flight, I am fearing for my dear life. However, for the very first time in my life, before going to sleep, I triple make sure all the doors are locked. Whenever I get on an Uber, I share my live location, I struggle working at the office alone at night because I am terrified, I am terrified that I might get murdered or raped, simply because I am a woman. It’s really been rough, so even before even getting to this blog, I would like to take a moment for all the courageous women who have fallen in 2019, all at the hands of our fellow brothers. Rest easy goddesses. You will always be remembered.

So, let’s take a walk down 2019 shall we?

January (Homeless and broke – basically living off my savings.)

  • I have accepted a teaching job in China. I’ve ended my relationship, packed and ready to start a new life elsewhere. New beginnings.
  • Got to Cape Town for two job interviews and started re-thinking China.
  • Mhmm! Maybe I shouldn’t go to China anymore.
  • Went for my job interviews and got two job offers.
  • Changed my mind about China and had a very hard conversation with my agent. He basically just shouted at me on the phone for 10 minutes.
  • Accepted a job offer and started looking for accommodation in CPT.

February (Employed, Smitten and still homeless)

  • Started work
  • Decided to give love another chance! YEYY!!
  • Started a new gym routine

March (Independence… again)

  • Finally found my own place after staying with my significant other for about a month.
  • Started feeling more like myself again.

April (Unlocking my chakra)

  • Baecation
  • Started writing again
  • Went back to Yoga and registered for twerking classes (Are you judging me?)

May (Twerk! Werk! Twerk!)

  • Okay! So twerking wasn’t for me. I registered for dance class instead. Best decision EVER!

June (Another qualification?)

  • Looked in to doing my masters in creative writing or an MBA.
  • Work in full force
  • Ever so in love.

July (Boss moves and sickness)

  • Registered my business ya’ll!!
  • Diagnosed with Acne Inversa and prescribed antibiotics for 6 months

August (I am a Badass – period)

  • Registered for my third UCT qualification
  • Invested the last bit of my savings to get the necessary equipment for my business.

September (Another year beautiful-er)

  • Birthday. Finally got a typewriter.

October (Late birthday gifts)

  • 27 years of living and I FINALLY took someone home. I’m sure my parents had given up on me.
  • Maxed out my savings for some grown up late birthday gifts. Sigh! Adulting is hard.

November (selfish-less)

  • Hosted our second annual Empowered Women Networking Event.
  • Hosted our very first Khayelitsha bootcamp.
  • Made some great connections and partnerships that I am excited to see through in 2020.

Before you start asking me a lot of questions, let me address this. In 2018 I basically ran home to recover and during that period I wanted a “new start”. I applied for a job in China late 2018, I went through the whole recruitment process and I got accepted in October. I started having doubts early November and I applied for a Cape Town based job. Running away seemed was very tempting and it offered the escape I needed but I’ve come to realise that you can’t run from your feelings or your past, and I am no coward. So I decided to stay.

I started 2019 in the worst state I have ever been in my entire life. I still cry when I think about it. 2017 was soul crushing and 2018 was bittersweet. On one hand, I got a second qualification from UCT but I also lost so much more that I could never EVER get back. So 2019 started on a rough patch for me, I was basically on recovery mode for more than half of the year. My friends will attest to this, I’ve been extremely protective of my space this year. I actually have not spent much time with other people outside of my family, my partner and one or two friends. It’s been hard to try to explain this to other people, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but I didn’t care. My health and wellbeing was my priority. When your energy is depleted, you need to recharge.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself first.

Three words have gotten me through 2019 and every other day they manifest in my life – “I am blessed“. Sometimes I forget. When life get’s a little rough I question it but 2019 has been such an amazing testimony for me. I have not only survived things that were meant to break me, but I have thrived. This goes beyond 2019, I am blessed throughout my life. I am the first and currently only person in my family with a University qualification (I have two, going on three. WHATS UP? ). I started working when I was 16 and by the time I turned 19 I was earning more in two weeks than my mom made in a month. I’ve never struggled getting a job. Actually I always sound cocky saying this but I’ve never gone to a job interview and not been offered a job – EVER! I am also the very first in my family to buy myself a car, CASH before 25 years. (Are you still judging me for taking twerking classes?). Shonda Rhimes has this book called YEAR OF YES and she says something so profound –

Lucky implies I didn’t do anything. Lucky implies something was given to me. Lucky implies that I was handed something I did not earn, that I did not work hard for. Gentle reader, may you never be lucky. I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.
― Shonda Rhimes, Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person

I find it hard to say this because I always get in my head about “jinxing it” but screw it, 2019 has really been such a phenomenal year for me. I reached a great level of accepting love and reciprocating it. I’ve been loved so dearly and I finally accepted that I am worthy to receive love. In fact, I am more than enough. I’ve found a really amazing groove in 2019, only scratching the surface of balancing my work, my relationship and my health. It’s the first time since I started blogging where I can genuinely say I had a fucking amazing year! And every single day, I see it, I am blessed.

Here’s to starting another decade. I am looking forward to more growth, maturity, wisdom, prosperity and greater strength. May all your dreams come true!

Are you a VICTIM or are you a WARRIOR?

There is one thing that very few women are aware of. With this post I hope to reach out to those women who need to know about this. The women that need to make a change, NOW!

Can you guess what I am about to talk about?   

The one thing that women think it’s okay, to be someone else’s punching bag… That it’s okay to be blamed for someone else’s mistakes….


Yes. I am going to open this subject, because I feel there is a lack of information out there.  We grew up in houses with abuse, we go through life with abuse. Did you know that there are many different types of abuse?

Did you know that you can be financially abused?
Did you know that “rape” is also one of the types of abuse?

Did you know that you can be abused on a psychological level?
Did you know that ABUSE is a criminal offence?

This is only a few of the types of abuse that we live with every day.
Did you know that even rich people have these kind of problems?

Yeah!!! I am not talking through my nose here. The statistics are shocking. 1 out of 6 women are assaulted regularly by their partner.  In most cases where there are children involved, they too suffer under the same kind of abuse.

I know about a certain case where the man refused to buy tampons, toilet paper, soap or any kind of toiletries for the woman.  Now, imagine yourself: You are in a small flat, with nothing in the house, not even toilet paper. Whenever you get the chance to go to public toilets you take half a toilet roll home…Girls, this is reality!!!!

I know of a woman where her food was given to her ice cold and with no cutlery to eat with, he made her eat her food like a dog. She was held in a room, the whole day for months on end. If she needed to relieve herself she had to do it in the same room that she lived and slept in.  I promise you that this is no joke!!

When you come out of these circumstances, you start to be more grateful for the small things in life, like toilet paper and toiletries.  

I was also a victim of financial, emotional and physical abuse. This is not a joke, this breaks you. The emotional abuse sticks with you forever. The physical abuse depends on the injuries, like when you are left with a broken jaw or broken leg or arm, will be with you for the rest of your life!!!

Ladies (and guys) this has become a norm.  Why men continue to do this, still puzzles me. However, I have to come up for the men, because in some cases the woman abuses the man, financially and most likely emotionally too.

In the next few weeks I will discuss the kinds of abuse and the “symptoms” or signs to be on the look out for…

‘Till next time!!!!

What will we tell our daughters?

When I was 9 years I followed my older sister and her friends to the park without their permission. My sister was upset with me but she let me follow them because I promised to “tell on her” if she didn’t want to play with me. We were not allowed to walk to the park on our own.

When we got to the park I saw this silver pole slide and went down on it, when I got to the bottom I knew I was dead. In my heart and in my head I was sure I was dead. Not that I knew what being dead was like but I felt so much pain rushing through my entire body that I was convinced I had died. I opened my mouth and let out the sharpest and strongest cry I could let out. Our home was about 500m from the park, my sister who is only 3 years older than me as well as her two friends who were all skinnier were not able to carry me home, my crying didn’t help the process, neither was my certainty that I had broken all the bones in my body. I asked them to leave me in the park so I could die in peace. My sister and her friends figured that I had sprained one of my legs but I assured them that my entire body was broken and that I couldn’t move an inch. Stressed and worried, my sister ran to a nearby tree, took a few leaves, took a rock and crushed the leaves and then she spit on them. She came to me and told me that she had found “magical leaves” just like that documentary I had always watched and she had made a remedy that would make the pain a bit better. She rubbed the mixture on my one leg and she assured me that “the remedy she applied on the one leg had drained all the pain from my body to just that one leg”, I believed her for I had seen magic leaves before on TV. So I utilised other parts of my body and made the process of them carrying me home easier. When I arrived home, my father took me to the hospital and I had a foot cast for 2 months. Throughout the months I was convinced of the magical leaves that were available at that tree in KwaLanga and the fact that my sisters saliva was magical because she had made me a remedy that took the pain away from my entire body.

I told everyone about the magical leaves. When I was 10 I burnt half my face, my sister had gone out to play with her friends. My older cousin and father took me to the hospital and the doctor gave me an ointment, I didn’t want to take it for I was convinced that my sister would be able to heal me with the magical leaves and her saliva. My father took it and he had trouble with me whenever the time came to apply the ointment because I wanted the magical leaves, eventually a meeting was called where I was told that there is no such thing as “magical leaves” and that my sister had lied to get me to move. I was dumbstruck

How? I am certain I had died and that my sister brought me back to life?” 

And how did my 12 year old sister think of such a plan? No adults and she improvised to get me home. How? She was so young?

Today, my sister has three kids and I recall on one occasion her oldest daughter was “sick” because she didn’t want to do a house chore. She cried for an hour or so, my sister took pure still water, mixed it with mint leaves and told her it was medicine so that she could be healed. And what do you know? A few minutes later Chantel was “healed“. LOL, my sister has always been a natural, effortless caregiver.

Motherhood is a bold step, one that some of us fall into by pure carelessness and sometimes by unfortunate circumstances. My mother had always told us how my father only wanted one child. When their first child (our oldest brother) passed away, my father then decided that perhaps having two children is best. My mother gave birth to my older brother and then to my sister 4 years later – both planned. Three years later, “SUPRISE! Little Sibahle was born”, mistakenly.

My parents spoilt my brother with everything he wanted. They only got the best for him and basically treated him like a Prince. When he grew up he started experimenting with drugs, one day he experimented with a drug I don’t even know. When he got home he couldn’t even walk nor talk properly, he got into an argument with my mother and promised to kill her. He left the house and we locked, when he returned he broke all the windows with his fists and we spent the better half of the night running on the streets away from him until we went to one of my mothers friends to sleep there. Today, he is 34 years old with 3 children and he has never had a job for more than 3 months in his entire life. My parents still take care of him, I do too. My sister is a tough love kinda girl, so she is not involved with anything to do with him.

Cut the umbilical cord. Don’t give him money.  Don’t buy him anything

That’s what everyone says. They say it to my parents, they say it to me. In this instance who do we blame? My parents who spoilt him? Me for still enabling him to live off me? Or my brother who never took any kind of responsibility for his life nor is he doing it now with his children?

There are so many famous people with shocking childhood stories who are now successful (Charlize Theron, Oprah Winfrey etc.), as well as so many well-known people with great childhoods stories who have made awful decisions towards their lives. As a mother, an aunt, a mentor and a daughter, I sometimes wonder and worry if I am doing enough. There is no guarantee, there is no “one size fits all“. All we can do is try to give our daughters the best we can, work hard for them, support them, believe in them, cheer them on and pray that they will turn into decent human beings that will contribute to the bettering of society. So what do we tell our daughters? What will we teach them?

I see so many young mothers – especially in the black community – who fall pregnant at a young age and they have to take care of the children on their own because the father isn’t financially supporting the child. Many of them will post it on social media (Remember the recent Duma Ntando incident?). Don’t get me wrong social media is a great platform to vent but with the accelerated growth of social media these days, I personally wouldn’t want my child to grow up having to read about her father not supporting her. If the father is absent, then I would much rather take the legal route and have the law deal with him.

That’s another thing, how honest should we be? It’s so hard to find balance because as a mother you want your child to have the best childhood and a great relationship with both parents and you want to protect your child from knowing that she has a deadbeat father, however, you are also human and sometimes you just want to scream “Uphi utatakho?” because it can all get a little overwhelming. So where do we draw the line? What do we tell our children? What do we teach them?

We teach them about life and love. We tell them our stories and what has shaped/moulded us into the people we are today. We plead with them to not make the same mistakes we made. We love them, we protect them, we teach them, we support them and we let them celebrate their individuality. When the time comes for them to leave the nest we take solace in the fact that we did the best we could and we hope that we did enough. We become the best mothers we can, everyday we learn how to become better mothers. Giving up is not a word found in the motherhood dictionary, as mother’s we don’t do that. So when our daughters fall and break their legs, what do we do? We put on our superwoman capes and pull “magical remedies” out of the bag, because that’s what we represent to our daughters – Hope.


Losing 20kg and keeping it off

I started my weight loss journey in November 2015, I reached my goal weight in 2017 and I found my sweet spot in 2018. My body in 2018 has been nothing short of flames and perfection, YES, I just said that! I love my body and that is something I have learnt to be unapologetic about.

In 2017 I wrote a blog post about how I reached my goal weight so I won’t dwell on that on this post. To read more about how I lost 20kg in less than 2 years, please click here

In this post I want to talk about all the questions people have been asking – my main detox recipe, what’s on my shopping list, maintaining my body as well as the misconception some people from the black community have about health being viewed as “expensive“. Sometime in 2016, I wrote a blog about all the stereotypes associated with weight loss/weight gain in all the different cultures.

I was in King Williams Town in November/December, and people who haven’t seen me in years are always startled when they see me. The occasional:

Yho nimbonile? Inoba uyagula sana

Akabhitye umtana kaNophumezo bethunana. Abantwana basekapa batya amagqabi kaloku

Bathandana nabelungu kaloku abantwana ngoku benza ezi zinto zimhlophe

Loosely translated losing weight is often associated with being sick/unhappy in some parts of the black community and it is frowned upon. A healthy lifestyle has always been associated with a certain culture and status, hence why so many people who aren’t exposed to different cultures still see it that way and don’t understand the thrill of climbing up a mountain or running.

Losing weight and keeping it off requires two things – Discipline and Self – Control. In church we are taught fasting and most people can’t do it because they lack these two traits. The late Dr Myles Munroe gave a sermon about fasting where he said such profound words:

if you can’t overcome the power of your belly, how can you overcome the power of a demon?

The great thing about discipline and self – control is that it comes in handy in almost every other area of your life – career, academics as well as relationships. You will not get to where you want to be in life if you lack discipline. It is imperative that you do not succumb to your cravings if you want to lose weight and keep it off.

So how am I maintaining my body and ensuring that the 20kg I lost doesn’t come creeping back in?

The first thing I do when I feel bloated is to take a liquid detox:

I only drink liquids for those two days (Green home-made smoothies, vegan soup with only water and salt – no oil or flavorings. I ONLY drink water and green tea – No coffee/ store-bought juice or sodas).

What’s on my detox smoothie:

  • Apples
  • Spinach
  • Kale
  • Cucumber
  • Green Tea – Frozen into Ice Cubes
  • Kiwi
  • A pinch of lemon juice
  • Water


What’s on my vegan soup?

  • Broccoli
  • Split Peas
  • Carrots
  • Celery
  • Onion
  • Mushrooms
  • Baby Marrows
  • Garlic
  • Almond/Coconut Milk
  • Water
  • Salt
  • Vegetable Stock to taste

As an alternative, Woolworths also sells great soups but be sure to read the label to ensure they don’t have any milk or animal products. When doing the detox, it is important to ONLY drink fruit and eat vegetables.


Out of all the diets I have ever tried, the two that worked well with are the Vegan Diet and the 3 Day/Military Diet. Now I go vegan every month for a minimum of 5 days a month. The only reason I go vegan is that after I joined the vegan diet for a total of 3 months my body was never able to fully appreciate meat like I did before, so if I eat meat all the time I get sick PLUS when I am on the vegan diet I feel most alive and refreshed, the reason I didn’t fully transition to a full-time vegan is because of my egg-white omelette obsession!! Oh! That’s another thing – I don’t eat egg yellows because I have to balance my cholesterol levels.

A normal day for me is:

  • Wake up at 5am and go to the gym for an hour
  • 07:00am Drink a Cup of Green Tea
  • 08:00/08:30 Drink a Cup of Hot Water with Apple Cider Vinegar/Lemon
  • 09:30 – Drink Coffee (A bad habit I’m struggling with letting go)
  • 10:00 Eat Breakfast (Egg-White Omelette or Plain Yoghurt with Fruit)
  • 11:30 -Have a snack (Raw Almonds/Apple/Banana/Sweet Melon)
  • 13:30 – Eat Lunch (Yummy Home-made Vegan/Vegetarian Bowl)
  • 15:30 – Drink a cup of Peppermint Tea
  • 17:00 – Prepare Dinner (Finish water for the day)
  • 19:00 – Eat Dinner (Chicken Breast/Salmon with Spinach and Mixed Vegetable)

I don’t eat after 20:30 and 80% of the time I don’t eat breakfast before 10:00am. The other 20% is when I’m stressed and starving – I listen to my body. Guys listen, I EAT cake. I LOVE pizza. I think McDonald fries are life. I need my Speckled Eggs to survive. I don’t deprive myself – EVER!

Now, for all my friends/family and acquaintances who say being healthy is expensive. What are the basic necessities of being healthy on my grocery list?

  • Apple Cider Vinegar (Around R20 something)
  • Broccoli (R30 something)
  • Apples (R20 something)
  • Spinach (R20 something)
  • Eggs (I buy egg whites) (R40 something)
  • Grape Fruit (R20 something)
  • Raw unsalted Almond Nuts (R100 something)
  • Cucumber (R10 something)
  • Virgin Oil (R100 something – Canola one is about R30 something)
  • Green Tea (Invest in two different ones for R40 something)
  • Oats (R30 something)
  • Water (If you’re not based in Cape Town then you can have free tap water)
  • Basically fruit and LOTS of Vegetable

It is quite possible to get all your basic necessities for under R600.00 and you are well on your road to being healthy. If you can’t afford gym, get a group of people and start walking or running together, you’d be surprised at the number of people who WANT to start living healthy but need a partner or some motivation. There is absolutely no such thing as health being too expensive, that is if you want it bad enough. A meal at McDonald is R50 or a R100 and it has millions of calories whereas a nice chicken salad at Pick ‘n Pay is R30 something with fewer calories and is also quite filling. Better yet, a homemade salad is much cheaper and is guaranteed to be healthier if prepared with all the right ingredients.

To maintain a healthy body one also needs to be active, everyone knows I am a gym/active freak so I go to gym quite frequently or I run outside – anywhere between 5 to 15km and I also do lift/ weight training. By now you should know me and my SQUATS!

There are people who are referred to as “AskHOLES”, those are the people who ask you something like…

Oh how did you lose weight I definitely want to start leaving a healthy lifestyle

…and then they go around and do the opposite of what you tell them. Don’t be that person!!

I know there are so many people with weight loss/healthy lifestyle resolutions this year and all I can say is that it is very possible. I will always motivate people to be happy and that should never be based on the number that reflects on the scale. True happiness is feeling your best and doing all the things that contribute to your overall health. As a women you literally don’t owe anyone a summer body or a flat stomach. However, as a person who has been overweight and had a eating disorder I will always share tips on how to get the body you want because I know what its like to feel miserable because of how you look, especially feeling like there’s nothing you can do. There is ALWAYS something you can do to be the best version of yourself there is, and, a healthy lifestyle contributes SIGNIFICANTLY to being happy.

AND! Since I didn’t write a “2018 In review” post, I thought I’d compile a little 2018 slide show for you all  🙂


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The road to being a Trophy Wife


I am astounded dear reader! I am dumbstruck! I am extremely upset that my dreams of being a “trophy wife” have been shattered!! Seriously! How did I let such an opportunity pass me by? Since I was a little girl this has always been my dream – not having a proper job, looking good, catering to my man, doing brunch and Pilates for a living, maybe I’ll even start a vegan blog that won’t go anywhere, you know? (Don’t fall over the sarcasm there!) That dream is now gone, all because of my smart mouth. Damn Sibahle, you’ve done it again!!

Before we dive into this blog, some facts for you to know because you might find yourself wondering!

Fact 1 – I LOVE gym clothes so I wear them even if I’m not doing anything active. AND I always ask random people to take pictures of me wearing gym clothes. Even if I’m not wearing gym clothes, I ALWAYS ask random people to take pictures of me.

Fact 2 – I am attracted to “people”, gender, race, age is not relevant. If I like you, we have more or less the same values and we have good chemistry, that’s all that matters. Hence, my dating history.

Okay, now that we’ve covered these facts:

9 February, afternoonish, here I am minding my own business. I decide to take a walk from Clifton beach to Camps Bay beach, wearing my gym clothes and just feeling really good about myself. I ask the “Umbrella guys” to take pictures of me. The guy is ecstatic and even shows me poses and places with good lighting. After taking pictures I go to Kauai for a smoothie, as I’m sitting here I see this lady who is evidently looking for someone, she smiles when she sees me, steps in and asks to sit next to me. Long story short, I find myself having left Kauai in a matter of 5 minutes and at Caprice with a very cute Canadian surrounded by bodyguards.

This guy is 13 years older than me, has one child and is a divorcee. He has 3 houses and is a globe trotter, very intellectual individual – (It doesn’t hurt that he has an accent) naturally, I am intrigued by him. He captivates me in his conversation, I love honest and open guys who know when to speak, when to listen, and when to enjoy the silence. Conversation flows, we stay at Caprice for hours, eventually we go for a walk on the beach for the sunset, in my mind I’m thinking – this is the perfect end to a perfect day. He asks to pick me up the following day for breakfast and we can do whatever I want, I get really excited about him.

You guys know how it is when you’ve had your heart broken and have been crying yourself to sleep almost everyday, here comes this amazing guy who treats you like a queen (Even if you just met him 10 hours ago), you become hopeful and you start fantasizing. You know in your heart you’re still in-love with your ex but you have hope that this might be the guy who will help you forget, the one you’ve been waiting for. NO? You guys DON’T do that? Well, I do!! That’s exactly what happened. I became excited about him, he had borrowed me his power bank and jacket, it was all so exciting.

The following day he picks me up for breakfast and it is even more perfect until now comes the conversation:

I like you and I didn’t expect to like you so much, there’s something about you that intrigues me. I mean at first glance, you’re a stunning girl and either you’re a gym freak or you have good genes but you’re also just really beautiful from within. My only concern is that your IQ might be too high

I laughed, I thought it was a joke.

I’m being serious. I’m 39 years old Sibahle, I don’t have time to play games. I’ve been married and I’ve been divorced, I have a 10 year old child whom I love with all my heart. I like you and I’d love to marry you, to make you mine in every way, I have conditions though which I’d never compromise on – I can’t be with someone who drinks alcohol or smokes. You can’t have a job because I travel a lot and you’d travel with me, you can’t get fat or let yourself go in anyway and I have no tolerance of male friends talking to you. I’m not trying to be an asshole but I have a type, I have a lot to offer and I feel like I’m not asking for a lot. I just don’t like being questioned which I feel like you’d have a problem with

Here I am at one of my favourite places in Cape Town with this amazing guy. Literally everything on my checklist of future husband he ticks, here he is offering things that weren’t even on my checklist, everything I’ve ever wanted and more. My heart and mind are once again in battle.

When you say being questioned, in what way do you mean?

Well, I mean, what I say goes. I’m old fashioned in that sense, the man makes the decisions and the female obeys. I believe in marriage, this is why I want to marry you. I don’t want to use you for sexual purposes or date you for years. I know what I want and I don’t have time to waste. I’ll take care of you, provide for you and love you. but my word is final.”

Come on now reader, don’t act like you don’t know how I operate. My heart and mind are always in constant battle!!

I should probably be embarrassed to say this, but I’m actually not! I considered this offer!

I looked at him, blue eyes and good looking guy and I thought to myself. Okay, there’s a high probability that our future babies will be attractive. Not working? Mhmm!! I can go to gym all the time and maybe invest time in learning how to cook and finally writing my book. Travel? Mhmm! I can see all the places I’ve wanted to see without worrying about the costs! Marriage? Mhmm! Marriage is a blessing from God and I’d finally be able to say “He PUT a RING on it!!” on Facebook and Instagram and I’d write blogs about being a globe trotter and a housewife! I’d still have JAGWAT and I can actually grow my business without having to balance school, work and writing! I CONSIDERED it, actually I MORE that CONSIDERED it. Go ahead and judge me if you want!

Me, trying to be calm and rational:

Lets continue with our date and see how it goes

After breakfast we took a walk around the pavilion at Sea Point and we passed by IceZeit, they are amazing!! They even have VEGAN gelato guys! HEAVENLY! I ask “Potential Future Husband” to stop so we can get ice-cream.

Oh no baby! That goes straight to your thighs and ruins all your hard work. Are you sure? Do you want to get water instead?

Are you joking? Hello! Its ice-cream. And its delicious and even if it goes to my thighs I can go to gym and work it out. Do you think I don’t eat ice-cream? Do you not want me to eat ice-cream? Are you really that shallow? What happens if I gain weight? Ha? What happens? I am getting this ice-cream and I don’t care what you say! You don’t have to marry me, if that’s the case.”

He hadn’t event proposed! This was our second date. Temperamental Sibahle! It was kind of a scene!

I just saw my life flash in-front of me. I’d have to spend the rest of my life counting calories, not giving my true opinion, not talking to my guy friends whom i’ve cultivated great relations with over the years, spend less time with my friends, never at home, never speaking up. I thought of all the hundreds of thousands of rands my parents spent at UCT so that I could contribute to society as an academic. Always looking proper, slaving off at gym, catering to someone. Although, I had never referred to myself as a feminist, that day I became one.

You know, there’s this African proverb that says that when you educate a women you educate a generation. Do you know it? By being with you, I’d be robbing entire generations off the knowledge I’ve acquired through academic progression. I would have no voice, no opinion, I would mentally and intellectually die. I can’t be with you. I’ve known that for 3 hours now, I was just in battle with my mind. I’m sorry. AND by the way, in it’s most basic form Ice -cream is made out of milk and eggs, eggs provide protein and milk – calcium. Perhaps, you might want to educate yourself about nutrients before you tell someone what they can and can’t eat“. And I left and blocked his number!


He called two weeks later with a different number and we both laughed at how dramatic I was! He says he stood at that ice-cream stand for an hour thinking of ice-cream nutrients and African proverbs! I still never agreed to be his trophy wife though! Damnit Sibahle!! You and your smart mouth! BUT if I have to dumb myself down to be with someone, it’s not worth it. If I have to lead a superficial and materialistic life in order to seem “happy” on social media while my soul is dying, I’d rather not. Anything that comes at the price of my well-being and mental health is too high of a price to pay, I simply cannot afford it!


Beautiful Disaster

There was a time in my life where I was totally off the path! With this, I mean I did everything for the wrong reasons. I was confused, self-pitying myself for years. I even turned my back on God with the intentions of never opening a bible again. I didn’t want to go to church or even talk about Christianity. I just believed that if God loved me the way everyone claims, why did all these bad things happen to me? Where was He when I needed Him? (Can you relate to this?) I was angry.

The word “self-pity” came to me out of no where, and I decided to write about it, because I know there are a lot of people that struggle with this emotion, it is easier to blame someone else for your loses, then to actually blame yourself. You never look at what you did wrong forgetting that three fingers point at you when you point at someone else.

In my teenage years I was molested by a preacher, (I prefer to keep the person anonymous) for almost four years. I just could not get out of it. He was a well-known man in society, everyone believed every word that came out of his mouth. There were times that I wanted to stand up in church, interrupt his preaching, and let the congregation know what he was doing behind the scenes. He made me promise not to tell anyone, that I will never tell his wife… When she found out about this, she told me I was lying. Really?! It’s so disappointing when women don’t stand up for each other. I was 17 years old, by this age you know what is wrong and right. This surely did not feel right to me. I mean, this man was preaching everyday, telling people how they should live their lives and that they shouldn’t sin, yet behind the scenes he was living the complete opposite?

You made me hate God, you made me hate Christianity religion. You stole my Faith, you stole my belief. You completely tainted the image on God in my mind because of everything you did to me!!

When I graduated from High School, I packed my bags and left. I went to stay with my aunt and uncle. Just my luck, I had to get up every Sunday morning to go to church. In my mind I thought “Time wasting”!!! That is how I felt at the age of 19 about God. At this age, I would say that my life as a child was definitely not all moonshine and roses. Some of my clothes were hand made by my mother, which I was very proud of. The kids at school bullied me about this.

Financially we were poor… I used to have toys, I think there was only a yellow teddy bear (that I named Buksie), a Hawaiian Barbie doll and a blue and pink bunny teddy that my parents bought for me. All my other toys was second hand. I can still remember my father cut my roller skates open in the front to make it bigger for me. This was a present from someone, I think. So I am used to having little, I am used to having second hand stuff…but all of this taught me to take good care of my stuff.

For almost 9 years I struggled to get through this. I just couldn’t make peace with it. I questioned God almost everyday. I actually prayed to God to just take me away, just let me die and all will be over. The problem was that I felt entitled, I believed that everyone owes me something, the world hates me and I will never be able to get over all these bad things that happened. I will never be able to apologise to the people that I have done wrong. Never once in this dark time of my life did I actually think I am contributing to all this heartache I was feeling everyday.

When I moved to Cape Town, I was forced to take part in a seminar called “Travel Lite”. I did not want to do this, I was not ready yet to let it go. I still wanted to self-pity myself. I was so scared, I did not want to tell anyone. Maybe this was the devils way to keep me in his hands. This seminar was for 4 weeks, once a week there was a get together. The best part is, you even got homework!!! (Yeah! Not my type of fun). As a sweet little girl I did my homework, told my story to the group, and this gave me forgiveness.

Before I wrote this post, I did a bit of research about self-pity and it shocked me to find out that self-pity can actually drive a person to insanity. You become so self-centred, focusing on disappointments, heartaches. Today, I write this blog post with a grateful heart. I am grateful that I was forced to deal with my demons and in turn it made ma take time to heal myself. My journey brought me closer to God. It helped me make peace with everything I have gone through in my life, I had to stop being so miserable. I also realized that self-pity will not bring me any satisfaction. No-one owes me happiness, I owe it to myself. I had to forgive myself for allow my mind to wallow in self-pit for all these years. Happiness is self-made and there is enough for everyone in this world!There is enough for everyone in this world! I am a beautiful disaster!!!